Quote

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Feet
Funny
Real
Men
Wooden
Foot
Legs
Saws

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
Image
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
Steven Wright
Image
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
Steven Wright
Image
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
Image
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
Image
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
Steven Wright
Image
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
Image
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Image
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
Image
I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
Image
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
Image
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.
Steven Wright
Image
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
Image
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
Image
I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
Image
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
Image
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright