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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Feet
Funny
Real
Men
Wooden
Foot
Legs
Saws
Humor
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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I washed mud off of mud.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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