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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Went
Funny
Found
Someone
Heart
Francisco

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright