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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Francisco
Humor
Went
Funny
Found
Someone
Heart

More quotes by Steven Wright

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Steven Wright
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright