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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Stills
Still
Men
Apes
Evolved
Monkeys
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
Steven Wright
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
