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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Monkeys
Humor
Funny
Stills
Still
Men
Apes
Evolved
More quotes by Steven Wright
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Steven Wright
Is it possible to be totally partial?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright
