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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Monkeys
Humor
Funny
Stills
Still
Men
Apes
Evolved
More quotes by Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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