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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Monkeys
Humor
Funny
Stills
Still
Men
Apes
Evolved

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Does fuzzy logic tickle?
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
Steven Wright
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
Steven Wright
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
Steven Wright