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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rounds
Tired
Night
Trying
Infinity
Round

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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