Quote

I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Rounds
Tired
Night
Trying
Infinity
Round

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
Image
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright
Image
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Image
Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
Image
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Image
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
Image
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Steven Wright
Image
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
Image
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
Image
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
Image
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright
Image
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Image
I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
Image
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
Image
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright
Image
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright