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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tired
Night
Trying
Infinity
Round
Rounds
More quotes by Steven Wright
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
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I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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What a nice night for an evening.
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright