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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesiac
Psychic
Psychics
Advance
Humor
Forget
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
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I paint I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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