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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesiac
Psychic
Psychics
Advance
Humor
Forget
Funny

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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Do you have any toy train schedules?
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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