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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Forget
Funny
Amnesiac
Psychic
Psychics
Advance

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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