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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Damaging
Killing
Eternity
Time

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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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I took a baby shower.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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