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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Damaging
Killing
Eternity
Time

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If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
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I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
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I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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