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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Time
Damaging
Killing
Eternity

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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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