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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Damaging
Killing
Eternity
Time

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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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