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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Damaging
Killing
Eternity
Time

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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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I can't stop thinking like this.
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Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
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