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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
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