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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Made
Mistakes
Couple
Humor
Mistake
Sleep
Funny
Wells
Well
More quotes by Steven Wright
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
Steven Wright
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Steven Wright
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
