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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Mistake
Sleep
Funny
Wells
Well
Made
Mistakes
Couple
Humor
More quotes by Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
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Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright
Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
