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I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesia
Twice

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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
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Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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