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I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesia
Twice

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
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What a nice night for an evening.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright