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I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesia
Twice

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
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George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
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My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright