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I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Twice
Amnesia

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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OK, so what's the speed of dark?
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
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always remember your unique, just like everone else
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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