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I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Amnesia
Twice

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright