Quote

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Brother
Wrap
Took
Wraps
Humor
Holiday
Told
Bought
Stop
Print
Funny
Department
Different
Christmas
Would
Gift

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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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I took a baby shower.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
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