Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Tomorrow
Humor
Cold
Funny
Twice
Today
Zero
Going
Degrees
Supposed
Outside
More quotes by Steven Wright
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
Steven Wright
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
always remember your unique, just like everone else
Steven Wright
If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
Steven Wright
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Steven Wright
I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>
Steven Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps
Steven Wright
I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
Steven Wright
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
