Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Steven Wright
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Supposed
Outside
Tomorrow
Humor
Cold
Funny
Twice
Today
Zero
Going
Degrees
More quotes by Steven Wright
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.
Steven Wright
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
Steven Wright
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
Steven Wright
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
Steven Wright
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
Steven Wright
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went Aaaaahhhh...
Steven Wright
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Steven Wright
I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was Quote so the last thing I said before I died would be Unquote.
Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
