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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Phonetically
Spelled
Word

More quotes by Steven Wright

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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
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It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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What do batteries run on?
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I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
Steven Wright
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright
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I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
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I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
Steven Wright
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Steven Wright
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
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I washed mud off of mud.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright