Quote

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Phonetically
Spelled
Word

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
Image
I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
Steven Wright
Image
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Image
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright
Image
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
Image
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Steven Wright
Image
My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Image
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Image
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
Steven Wright
Image
I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
Steven Wright
Image
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
Image
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
Image
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
Image
If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
Image
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright