Quote

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Phonetically
Spelled
Word

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
Steven Wright
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I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.
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I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright