Quote

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Phonetically
Spelled
Word

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Steven Wright
Image
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
Steven Wright
Image
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
Steven Wright
Image
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
Image
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
Image
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
Image
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
Steven Wright
Image
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright
Image
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Steven Wright
Image
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright
Image
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
Steven Wright
Image
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
Steven Wright
Image
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright
Image
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
Image
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
Image
At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
Image
What a nice night for an evening.
Steven Wright