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Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Monosyllabic
Syllables
Humor
Five
Word
Funny

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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, Do you want white cake or chocolate cake? I said, yes.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
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Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, Stephen, why haven't you called me? I said, I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it. He said, How long have you had it? I said, I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
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