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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Chess
Entire
Pawn
Pawns
Shop
Shops

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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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