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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pawn
Pawns
Shop
Shops
Chess
Entire

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, Do I know you?
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: Do I know you?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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Why do banks charge you a non-sufficient funds fee on money they already know you don't have?
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I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
Steven Wright
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
Steven Wright
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I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Steven Wright
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People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
Steven Wright
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism to steal from many is research.
Steven Wright
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Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright