Quote

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Wasn
Funny
Shadow

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
Steven Wright
Image
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Steven Wright
Image
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
Image
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
Image
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
Image
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
Steven Wright
Image
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright
Image
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
Image
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
Image
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.
Steven Wright
Image
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
Image
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
Steven Wright
Image
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright
Image
I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
Image
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright