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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Break
Hanger
Hangers
Coat
Coats
Locked
Keys
Car

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When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
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If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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