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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
School
Nobody
Humor
Teacher
Told
Practice
Perfect
Practicing
Funny
Teachers
Makes
Stopped
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
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Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
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I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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