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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Merely
Angry
Sarcasm
Without
Sarcastic
Depression
Psychological
Enthusiasm
Anger
More quotes by Steven Wright
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
Steven Wright
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
Steven Wright
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Steven Wright
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Steven Wright
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Steven Wright
My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
Steven Wright