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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Already
Called
Funny
Buildings
Shouldn
Finished
Built
Humor
Building

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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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