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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Called
Funny
Buildings
Shouldn
Finished
Built
Humor
Building
Already

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.
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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.
Steven Wright
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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What do batteries run on?
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
Steven Wright
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I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright
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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
Steven Wright
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
Steven Wright
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Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright