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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Building
Already
Called
Funny
Buildings
Shouldn
Finished
Built
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
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