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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Building
Already
Called
Funny
Buildings
Shouldn
Finished
Built

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My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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What do batteries run on?
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I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
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