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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Already
Called
Funny
Buildings
Shouldn
Finished
Built
Humor
Building
More quotes by Steven Wright
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
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My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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