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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Shouldn
Finished
Built
Humor
Building
Already
Called
Funny
Buildings
More quotes by Steven Wright
I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
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When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
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I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
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I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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