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What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Knocked
Unconscious
Humor
Funny
Littles
Little
Birdies

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, See, that's how it's done.
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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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Day One: Still tired from the move.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
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