Quote

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
States
Spent
Folding
Ever
Size
Mile
Live
Summer
Maps
People
Says
Scale
Asks
Scales
Lasts
Hardly
Last
Actual
United
Miles

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Steven Wright
Image
I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
Image
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Steven Wright
Image
It's a fine night to have an evening.
Steven Wright
Image
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
Image
I had amnesia once or twice.
Steven Wright
Image
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Steven Wright
Image
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
Image
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Steven Wright
Image
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
Steven Wright
Image
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
Image
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
Image
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
Image
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
Steven Wright
Image
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
Image
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
Image
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
Image
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright
Image
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright