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The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Funny
Shadows
Two
Twice
Everything
Confused
Time
Saving
Rose
Shadow
Sun
Daylight
Humor
Savings

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
Steven Wright
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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
Steven Wright
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When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
Steven Wright
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Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.
Steven Wright
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Steven Wright
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Steven Wright
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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I saw a sign: Rest Area 25 Miles. That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.
Steven Wright
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Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Steven Wright
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
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Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.
Steven Wright
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My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
Steven Wright
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You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven Wright
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Is 'tired old cliché' one?
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
Steven Wright