Quote

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

Steven Wright

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sun
Daylight
Humor
Savings
Funny
Shadows
Two
Twice
Everything
Confused
Time
Saving
Rose
Shadow

More quotes by Steven Wright

Image
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
Image
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Steven Wright
Image
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Image
What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright
Image
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
Image
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
Image
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
Image
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright
Image
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright
Image
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright
Image
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
Image
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
Image
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright
Image
The sky already fell. Now what?
Steven Wright
Image
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
Steven Wright
Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
Image
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
Image
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright
Image
I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright