Quote

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Take
Belts
People
Knocking
Seat
Plane
Seats
Planes
Dragging
Wings
Terminal
Forget
Belt

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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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It's a fine night to have an evening.
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
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Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
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Did you sleep well? No, I made a couple of mistakes.
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I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
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I have a fax machine with fax waiting.
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
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I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
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There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.
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Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
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