Quote

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Seat
Plane
Seats
Planes
Dragging
Wings
Terminal
Forget
Belt
Take
Belts
People
Knocking

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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
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Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
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My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.
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All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
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I saw a want ad. light housekeeping. They said Here, change this bulb. I said I'll need some friends.
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When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
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