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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Cattle
Stock
Laughing
Humor
Sense

More quotes by Steven Wright

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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven Wright
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Steven Wright
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
Steven Wright
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I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.
Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Steven Wright
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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Steven Wright
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Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright
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I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.
Steven Wright
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright