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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Sense
Cattle
Stock
Laughing
Humor

More quotes by Steven Wright

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Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Steven Wright
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If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Steven Wright
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I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
Steven Wright
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Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Steven Wright
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You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.
Steven Wright
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I can't stop thinking like this.
Steven Wright
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Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
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I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Steven Wright
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
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I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
Steven Wright
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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright
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I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
Steven Wright
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The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name to Les.
Steven Wright
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
Steven Wright
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
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I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
Steven Wright
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Steven Wright