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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Stock
Laughing
Humor
Sense
Cattle

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
Steven Wright
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven Wright
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
Steven Wright
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I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Steven Wright
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I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Steven Wright
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
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I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
Steven Wright
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I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.
Steven Wright
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
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I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.
Steven Wright
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I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.
Steven Wright
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I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Steven Wright
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I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.
Steven Wright
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When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Steven Wright
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I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
Steven Wright
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Steven Wright
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The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
Steven Wright
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My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
Steven Wright
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I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.
Steven Wright