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Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Pulitzer
Imagine

More quotes by Steven Wright

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The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
Steven Wright
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The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Steven Wright
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
Steven Wright
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
Steven Wright
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If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?
Steven Wright
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In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Steven Wright
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I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
Steven Wright
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I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Steven Wright
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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
Steven Wright
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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Steven Wright
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I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.
Steven Wright
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I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
Steven Wright
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
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Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
Steven Wright
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I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Steven Wright
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
Steven Wright