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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Mouths
Ears
Imagine
Look
Nowhere
Looks
Phones
Would
Near
Mouth
Weird
More quotes by Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
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I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
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I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?
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You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
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I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops
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Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
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The sky already fell. Now what?
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
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My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
Steven Wright
Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
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I thought I would be a guy on the radio.
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You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.
Steven Wright
