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Is 'tired old cliché' one?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Clich
Tired

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?
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If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them
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I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
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I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'
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A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Steven Wright
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I have all the emotions that everyone has it just appears that I don't.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Steven Wright
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A fool and his money are soon partying.
Steven Wright
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I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
Steven Wright
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People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
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What do batteries run on?
Steven Wright