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Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

Steven Wright

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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Humor
Funny
Paramedics
Refer
Roman

More quotes by Steven Wright

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I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
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I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
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I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
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I had amnesia once or twice.
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Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
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When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
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Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
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I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
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Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I had my coat hangers spayed.
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I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
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I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven Wright
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In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.
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To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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Do fish get cramps after eating?
Steven Wright
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright