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Is it possible to be totally partial?
Steven Wright
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Steven Wright
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: December 6
Comedian
Film Director
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Cambridge
Massachusetts
Steven Alexander Wright
Partial
Totally
Possible
More quotes by Steven Wright
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, I think I might have written that.
Steven Wright
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.
Steven Wright
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
Steven Wright
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
Steven Wright
Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Steven Wright
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
Steven Wright
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
Steven Wright
Day One: Still tired from the move.
Steven Wright
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Steven Wright
Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.
Steven Wright
Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.
Steven Wright
George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
Steven Wright
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Steven Wright
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Steven Wright
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Steven Wright